VI

Alex's Notes

I've never felt as good as I do today. Not that I can remember. If I ever felt what I'm feeling now, then maybe the world isn't as bad as I see it.

No. I don't forgive him. But I believe that tomorrow morning will be a little bluer, and the day after too...

"— And the day after? Who guarantees?"

For this reason, I will never forgive him. Was he good? A loyal friend? Caring and kind? Who knows? I only know that the price is high, very high. Living like this isn't fair... If this is even living...

* * *

The week began with a trip to a mall in Goiânia on Sunday.

They bought the computer that would only be delivered on Monday, and some software CDs: a course collection with five discs that promised to turn a layman into a hacker, all it took was to put the media in the reader drive and watch all the lessons through the computer's multimedia devices. They also bought clothes and trinkets. Alex went to the cinema, which wasn't new to him, but he confessed to noticing great improvement since the last time. They had a lot of fun, Alex suggested buying a souvenir for Maria.

— A piece of jewelry. — Alex said.

— No! — Léo exclaimed.

— A television?

— She has a television, you can't act like that, give her a cheap souvenir.

— A cheap one? — smiling sarcastically.

— Aren't you very funny?

— Maria said the same thing.

— Doesn't your mother want to sell you?

— I didn't have a mother.

— Good excuse... — Léo said with a disdainful look. — But let's not talk about it.

— Why not? It would even be interesting. Although I don't talk much about it... Who knows if you asked...

— This could cause you sadness. — Léo added.

— I can tell you that I never saw them; by the time I realized, I was already a young man; I don't remember much.

— It's better that you don't remember.

— What! — Alex exclaimed irritably.

— If you don't remember, you suffer less...

— Do you think it's pleasant to live without knowing where you came from, where your people are? It's not! — Alex shouted.

The customers in the mall turned to look at the young men.

— I don't know your age, but you must be no older than twenty. Do you remember what happened in the last ten years?

— Of course!

— Then what do you want to remember?

— Flowers. — Alex said.

— Flowers, what flowers?

— Let's buy flowers.

The flower shop was empty. A girl with blue eyes and an enthusiastic smile approached:

— Good morning! — said the young woman.

— Good morning, and you? — Leo asked, enchanted.

— I'm great, and you?

— We're great too, my friend needs flowers. — said Leo, showing a certain interest in the saleswoman.

— We all need flowers, some more, others less, but there are no exceptions. — said the little one.

— Then that includes you. — Leo insinuated.

— Yes — said the girl, always smiling.

— Choose whichever you want... — Leo continued.

— Let's solve your friend's problem first.

— Oh, yes! This is Alex, explain yourself...

Alex followed as if hypnotized by a honeysuckle.

— Alex explain the... What's your name?

— My name is Rosa, and your friend is attracted to the flower.

— A flower shop with a rose named Rosa. — Leo said as he plucked an orchid and handed it to the young woman.

— You could have picked a flower from another plant, this one will cost you sixty reais.

— What?! This is a robbery.

Leo tried to change his expression to annoyance, but couldn't, not in front of the beauty.

— Something attracts me. — were Alex's few words during the minutes he remained static, his eyes fixed on the flower.

— Then I've found him — the young woman whispered.

Rosa lightly ran her hand over the long wooden counter, reaching for a small spray bottle.

* * *

“— I am here to help you. Do you know what you want?

“— Roses — Alex said uncertainly.

“— Is this the first time you're giving her a gift?

“— Yes, Alex said, embarrassed.

“— Are you shy? Don't be, can I make a suggestion?

“— Please.

“— Look for a flower that conveys what you are feeling.

“— I don't know about flowers.

“— Leave the flowers to me, you worry about what you're feeling.

Alex stared at Léo for a few moments until the young woman intervened.

“— I'll forgive the damage you caused me with the flower you plucked if you leave me alone with your friend for a few minutes.

“— I'll pay for the flower. — Léo affirmed — but if you want, I'll leave, I'll be back in a little while.

“— I still can't believe this! — the young woman exclaimed, looking at him amazed — But please, first tell me, what do you feel?

“— My heart is joyful! — said Alex.

“— Hyacinth...?

“— My thoughts about her are affectionate.

“— Pansy.

“— She fascinates me.

“— Sunflowers...

“— I don't know what to say... I keep what I feel in my chest.

“— Some of the many violets...

“— I love her.

“— Roses.

“— I want them. Roses!

“The young woman walked to the water cooler and drank water in two quick gulps.

“— Let's leave this flower for later.

“Alex felt the cold again, his legs faltered, fear." — Would he die?

“— I know her. — Alex asked.

The young woman searched all the corners among the flowers, and Alex followed her with his eyes. The cold increased, his legs could no longer support him, fear overwhelmed him. Lying on the ground, Alex remained inert, while Rosa bent down to speak very close:

“— Yes, but it doesn't matter to know where from now. I can't help you. I only wish you to take this guilt from your heart. As I wanted to make you happy... You must fight, insist, aspire to happiness. Much will still happen for men and little for us before... — the young woman pressed her face as if covering her eyes — You are him... — she said, amazed.

* * *

The young woman sprayed a jet of water with the plant mister onto the face of the young man, who turned around startled:

— Tulips — said the young man.

— Okay, the vase has three flowers. Do you want a simple arrangement, sophisticated, we have some examples. Come see.

— Simple, please.

Sunday ended, and on Monday, Léo resumed his routine. The flower was put in the refrigerator after its arrangement was destroyed. Alex intensified his studies, if that was even possible. All day in the library, book after book, but this time he thought it best to go to a nearby snack bar to eat, even without appetite. He wanted to maintain appearances.

Léo informed him that on Tuesday, Maria would finish her internship at the pharmacy secretariat of the General Hospital at five o'clock in the afternoon. "That's time I can use as I wish, and I can be with her... it's perfect."

"— I'll arrive

"— Good morning. I came to see you... I knew you'd leave a little earlier, Léo told me, so I thought why not; I'll come talk to you. I really like talking to you.

"— there's no place for tulips? Let's do it differently then.

"— I'll call her and say I want to talk to her, then I'll deliver the tulips... Now there's a place for tulips. Wonderful!!! Let's forget about Tuesday!