Your mom is so (humor)

Your mom is so fat she has to stay home because if she steps outside, the DMV charges her vehicle tax.
Your mom is so fat that when she switches her phone to another pocket, the area code changes.
Your mom is so fat that if she walks in front of the TV, the viewer misses 3 shows.
Your mom is so fat that the only belt that fits her is the Equator.
Your mom is so fat that if she rolls over four quarters, she makes a dollar.
Your mom is so fat she needed the Hubble telescope to take a selfie.
Your mom's butt is so fat that she gets taller when she sits down.
Your mom is so fat that each buttock needs a different area code.
Your mom's butt is so big that when she farts, it echoes.
Your mom is like a bus, for $5 anyone can get on her.
Your mom is so fat that when she runs, it registers 6 on the Richter scale.
Your mom is so fat that I don't have enough field of vision to see her whole to make a joke about her.
Your mom is so fat that Greenpeace already arrives with a bulldozer to unbeach a whale when she sunbathes.
Your mom is so fat that for her to take a shower, she just puts soap on the stall and spins around.
Your mom is so fat that the city charges property tax on her body.
Your mom is so fat that I gave her a hula hoop and she became known as Saturn.
Your mom is so fat that when she ejaculated, it caused the Brumadinho tragedy.
Your mom is so fat that she was baptized in the Atlantic Ocean.
Your mom is so fat that if she wears a shirt with an "H" in the middle, a helicopter lands on her.

Your mom is so fat that when she sits on a cell phone, it turns into a tablet.

• Your mom is so fat that the animals at the zoo feed her!

• Your mom is so fat that she was baptized at a marina!
• Your mom is so fat that she stays in two time zones!
• Your mom is so fat that she can't tie her own shoes!
• Your mom is so fat that when she lay down on the beach, the Greenpeace guys tried to push her back into the sea!
• Your mom is so fat that the only photos you have of her were taken by a satellite!
• Your mom is so fat that she sat on a dollar and picked George Washington's nose!
• Your mom is so fat that she could have appeared in E.T., but when she crossed the moon on a bicycle, that witch caused an eclipse!
• Your mom is so fat that she was baptized in an ocean!
• Your mom is so fat that she has to iron her clothes on a highway!
• Your mom is so fat that they tied a rope to her shoulders and dragged her through a tunnel to clean it!
• Your mom is so fat that when she was hit by a bus, she said: "Who threw that rock?"
• Your mom is so fat that the weather department had to name her farts!
• Your mom is so dumb that when she saw the NC-17 sign (no one under 17 admitted), she went home and got 16 friends!
• Your mom is so dumb that when she got locked in a grocery store, she starved to death!
• Your mom is so dumb that she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order!
• Your mom is so dumb that she was hit by a parked car!
• Your mom is so dumb that she can get tangled in a cordless phone!
• Your mom is so dumb that she sold her car to get money for gas!
• Your mom is so dumb that she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
• Your mom is so dumb that she asked: "What's the number for 911?"
• Your mom is so dumb that she took a ruler to bed to measure how much she slept!
• Your mom is so dumb that when she read a note at work saying not to write below the dotted line, she wrote "O.K."
• Your mom is so dumb that she stole a free sample!
• Your mom is so dumb that she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners!
• Your mom is so dumb that when asked "sex?" on a form, she marked "M, and maybe tomorrow too."
• Your mom is so dumb that when you stand near her, you hear the sound of the ocean!
• Your mom is so dumb that she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new burger at McDonald's!
• Your mom is so dumb that she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home!
• Your mom is so dumb that when she jumped out the window, she went up!
• Your mom is so dumb that when she watches the Three Stooges, she takes notes!
• Your mom is so ugly that when she entered a beauty contest, they said "Sorry, we don't accept professionals."
• Your mom is so ugly that when she looked out the window, she was arrested for disturbing the peace!
• Your mom is so ugly that when she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yeah, let's bury it."
• Your mom is so ugly that they pressed her face into cookie dough to make GORILLA BISCUITS!
• Your mom is so ugly that they didn't give her a costume when she went to audition for Star Wars!
• Your mom is so ugly that instead of putting the Bungee Jump rope on her ankles, they put it around her neck!
• Your mom is so ugly that she has 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
• Your mom is so ugly that when she enters a bank, they turn off the security cameras!
• Your mom is so ugly that your grandmother must have been drunk to breastfeed her!
• Your mom is so ugly that her mother had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her!
• Your mom is so ugly that when she walks down the street, people say: "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
• Your mom is so ugly that the government changed the date of Halloween to her birthday!
• Your mom is so ugly that she makes an onion cry!
• Your mom is so ugly that they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" while she was in the shower!
• Your mom is so ugly that they pressed her face into cookie dough to make MONSTER BISCUITS!
• Your mom is so ugly that when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out!
• Your mom is so ugly that on Halloween she has to say "Trick or Treat" over the phone!
• Your mom is so ugly that she has to get her baby drunk to breastfeed him!
• Your mom is so ugly that she turned Medusa into stone!
• Your mom is so ugly that people dress up as her for Halloween!
• Your mom is so ugly that when she lies on the beach sand, cats try to bury her!
• Your mom is so ugly that she even scares cockroaches!
• Your mom is so ugly that your father takes her to work so he doesn't have to give her a goodbye kiss!
• Your mom is so old that I told her to act her age, and the poor thing died!
• Your mom is so old that she has Jesus' pager number!
• Your mom is so old that her social security number is 1!
• Your mom is so old that when she was in school, there were no history classes!
• Your mom is so old that she owes Jesus 3 pieces of silver!
• Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says: "Expired."
• Your mom is so old that she used to run away from dinosaurs!
• Your mom is so old that her birth certificate is in Roman numerals!
• Your mom is so old that she sat behind Jesus in the third grade!
• Your mom is so poor that when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked what she was doing, and she said: "Moving."
• Your mom is so poor that when I ring the doorbell, I hear the toilet flush!
• Your mom is so poor that when I ring the doorbell, she says: "DING DONG."
• Your mom is so poor that your family eats cereal with forks to save milk!
• Your mom is so short that she had to use a ladder to pick up a coin off the floor!
• Your mom is so short that she can do backflips under the bed!
• Your mom is such a slut that when she goes to the hairdresser, she tells the stylist to cut her hair and lifts her skirt!
• Your mom is so gross that she made Speed Stick stop!
• Your mom is so gross that she attracts crabs to the beach!
• Your mom is so gross that the fish market owner pays her to leave!
• Your mom is so gross that her poop is happy to escape!
• Your mom is so gross that even Ozzy Osbourne refused to bite her head off!
• Your mom is so gross that I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection!
• Your mom is like a door hinge - everyone gets a turn!
• Your mom is like a TV set - even a 3-year-old can turn her on!
• Your mom is like a bus - 50 cents and you get on her!
• Your mom is like a fridge - everyone puts their meat in her!
• Your mom is like a bus - guys get on and off her all day!
• Your mom is like a vacuum - a good suck!
• Your mom is so hairy that she even has dreadlocks in her armpits!
• Your mom is so hairy that Bigfoot is taking her picture!
• Your mom is such a bitch that I could have been your father, but the guy behind me in line had the exact change!
• Your mom has a nose so big that you can go bowling with her boogers!
• Your mom has a nose so big that she makes Pinocchio look like a kitten!
• Your mom is so sticky that she uses bacon as a band-aid!
• Your mom is so sticky that Texaco buys oil from her!
• Your mom has teeth so yellow that traffic stops when she smiles!
• Your mom has teeth so yellow that she spits butter!
• Your mom is so lazy that she thinks a two-income family is where the father has two jobs!
• Your mom is so thin that when she turned sideways, she disappeared!
• Your mom is so bald that you can see what's on her mind!
• Your mom is so bald that when she took a shower, she got a brainwash!
• Your mom is so straight that she's jealous of a wall!
• Your mom has glasses so thick that when she looks at a map, she can see people waving!
• Your mom has glasses so thick that she can see the future!
• Your mom has green hair and thinks she's a tree!
• Your mom has 10 fingers - all on the same hand!
• Your mom has one short leg and walks in circles!
• Your mom has arms so short that she can't clap!
• Your mom is missing so many teeth that it looks like her tongue is in jail!
• Your mom's house is so small that when she orders a large pizza, she has to go eat it in the street!
• Your mom's house is so dirty that she has to wipe her feet before stepping outside!
• Your mom has a head so big that it shows up on radar!
• Your mom has a head so small that she had an ear cut off and died!
• Your mom has a head so small that she uses tea bags as pillows!
• Your mom is twice the man you are!
• Your mom is missing a finger and can only count to 9!
• Your mom is so dumb that she was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday!
• If my dog were as ugly as your mom, I'd shave her butt and make her walk backward!
• Your mom has a mouth so big that she speaks in Dolby Surround sound!
• Your mom's breath stinks so much that when she yells, her teeth duck!
• Your mom is so fat that when she wore a t-shirt with a big X, a helicopter came and landed on her!
• Your mom is so dumb that she thinks menoPAUSE is a button!
• Your mom is so dumb that she thinks socialism is throwing parties!
• Your mom is so dumb that she was fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's!
• Your mom is like a Christmas tree: everyone hangs balls on her!
• Your mom is like McDonald's: Billions and billions served!
• Your mom is like ice cream: everyone takes a lick!
• Your mom is like a birthday cake: everyone takes a slice!
  • Source: Brazilian popular culture