- "At a funk dance, anyone can say whatever they want without fear of looking like a coward. With the music that loud, nobody hears anything anyway!"
- "Every year summer arrives at the beaches of Rio de Janeiro. And shortly after, the crowd from Acari arrives, who took a little longer because they had to take a train and two buses!"
- "If it's floating in the Caribbean sea and it's not poop, it's a Cuban fleeing to Miami!"
- "Let the jeweler who has never robbed a client cast the first precious stone!"
- "Vacation is like sex in marriage: once a year, if you're lucky!"
- "Summer is a time for sun, beer, and lots of beach. Scorching sun, warm beer, and a crowded beach!"
- "A real man takes a suppository intravenously so he doesn't risk liking it."
- "Every man has an unconscious desire to return to the womb. The problem is that not every woman lets him!"
- "Some men are very tempting. They try, try, try, and don't manage to get any!"
- "With salaries the way they are, workers can't even afford to make a fool of themselves!"
- "Long life to my enemies so they can watch my victory on all fours!"
- "The crisis is tough. Some millionaires have already hit the bottom of the oil well!"
- "If the sea isn't for fish, the rich don't care! Fish is for the poor; the rich like shrimp and lobster!"
- "The boss is human too. The boss also spits, pees, and even poops. Especially on your head!"
- "A soccer executive might not like soccer, but he loves getting a big payout!"
- "Only Brazilians are capable of believing in economists, in economists' stories, and, worst of all, in economists' plans!"
- "Only a nice butt makes a Brazilian stop at a red light!"
- "The good thing about a family lunch is that it starts early and we have more time to fight."
- "Children always think their parents poop money. That's because their allowance is usually crap!"
- "The smallest penitentiary known is a military police uniform: it only fits one thief."
- "Christ died, Marx died, and I'm not feeling so well myself..."
- "Brazilians are a very gullible and ignorant people. Gullible because they believe anything they're told. And ignorant for not having the slightest idea what 'gullible' means."
- "There are still women who, when they cook a little meal for their boyfriend, hope he likes it. Sometimes they twist his arm, other times they twist his neck."
- "The one who transmits the most energy is a bare wire."
- "Participate! Demand! Write to your congressman. But send the letter already torn up to make his job easier."
- "The new crop of politicians shows promise. And also doesn't deliver."
- "Never say: 'I will not drink from this water.' Especially if you don't know how to swim."
- "Relax... Einstein also lived full of problems."
- "Police only crash when they drive their cruiser into a pole."
- "The parts of a woman a ripper appreciates most are the ones inside."
- "Dedicate a little more to yourself. Take yourself to the movies. Then to dinner, to a nightclub, and, who knows, at the end of the night, take yourself to a motel and go f*** yourself."
- "Teenager, the future is in your hands. Go wash those hands, you pig!"
- "More important than inner wealth is outer wealth."
- "If Dunga is good because he makes tackles, why not call up Santa Claus, who brings toy cars, dolls, and video games?"
- "At eight years old, Jimi Hendrix got his first guitar. But as soon as the owner of the guitar found out, he beat him up."
- "Why not just change the name of the minimum wage to ridiculous wage?"
- "In meditation, besides the alpha and beta states, there is the 'illiterate' state, much used by young people."
- "If children were good, daycare centers wouldn't charge tuition."
- "The national team is the homeland of cleats, but some coaches are the homeland of horseshoes."
- "A woman is like a car in a traffic jam: she spends the whole day honking in your ear, and when you want her to, she won't start."
- "Discovering inner beauty is important, but entering the interior of beauty is much better."
- "Antarctica has the most incredible nightlife in the world. It lasts six months."
- "John Lennon was a typical Englishman. He only changed women when he found one uglier."
- "A strict educator, in Woody Allen's house, ten o'clock is time for children to be in bed. His bed."
- "A jiu-jitsu fighter is like a pitbull, only without the animal's intellectual capacity."
- "Hitler hated the Jews because he didn't know the Argentinians."
