Hi!!! Hi!!!!!! HEEEEEY!!!! eighty, eighty-one...
Canesten, the worst toothpaste I've ever used!
Mom, I don't like my brother... - Okay.. just eat the potatoes.
Do you know what a red pile on the couch is? A baby playing with a razor!
90% of statistics are useless!!!!!!!!
The description is the soul of the file!
I think therefore I am!
I don't send my mother-in-law to hell because I pity the devil.
The worst blind person is the one who doesn't want to hear.
The greater the pain, the greater the relief.
Without patience, one cannot wait.
You only value something when it's gone.
Who put a tail on the pig???
NO CARRIER, Mariah Carey's brother...
While Mary prays, Mercedes Benz.
Do you know who asked for you?.. Florentina... Florentina...
"Alfredo, I bought a MODEM!" "Huh?" "A modem, remember?"
Parrots don't get AIDS because they only give their foot.
If the world is a beta version, we must be the bugs.
If the computer hinders your studies, drop out of school.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.
If the message isn't clear, turn up the screen brightness.
Public employees: Never so many did so little in so much time.
Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there Internet there?
If you always try to get ahead of others, beware of breath on your neck.
Peace is like 69: there's always some jerk to mess things up.
LOVE IS: deleting Windows 95 from her hard drive.
I believed in the operating system until they formatted my family.
She said: Either me or the computer. I miss her...
Portuguese modems work in CUPS instead of BAUDs.
Me, indecisive? I'm not sure.
Don't traffic, don't kill, don't rape... not before buying a judge.
Atlantis had a flotation system controlled by Windows 95.
All mushrooms are edible. Some only once.
Computer science arrived to solve problems that didn't exist before.
Have you smiled at your computer today? Oh, you have?! How ridiculous...
For a heavy drinker, half a bottle is enough. (Enough?)
Rape is a form of violence against grammar!
Video game players are normal people, who eat ice cream from their foreheads like everyone else!
Selfish is he who thinks more about himself than about me.
Don't believe in aliens, they are very deceitful.
You have called the number you just dialed.
Hi, this is you know who and I'm not in you know where, please leave your message after the you know what.
Don't you dare pick up that phone just to call the fire department! I'm in the middle of a download!
FORMAT C: ...Yes ...Yes ...Noooooooo!!! ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C.
I can even explain this to you, but your brain would explode.
Esperidião Amin's anti-hair loss shampoo was made by Microsoft.
This tagline is SHAREWARE. Please send me U$10.
This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x
(A)bort, (R)epeat, (F)orce yourself not to have happened?
Windows 95: Now also for Atari 2600.
This virus requires 600 KB. Free up more memory to run.
Mouse not found. Hit the cat (Y/N)?
Error accessing FAT. Shall I try accessing the skinny one? (Y/N).
Micro tip: if your car stalls, try exiting and re-entering.
Micro guy's favorite sandwich: Xcopy.
Boss is gone, choose: Doom (1), Doom (2), Doom (3)?
Keyboard not installed! Press <F1> to continue.
Condom broke. (A)bort, (I)gnore, (M)arry?
Who is this General Failure? Why does he keep reading my C drive?
Piracy, me? No, I'm just doing technology transfer.
Never let your computer know you're in a hurry!
Giving to the poor makes you famous as a faggot.
Want a Chokito? Then put your finger in the little socket!
Eat shit. A billion flies can't be wrong.
Since love is blind, the best way is to feel!
Pregnant women always complain about a full belly.
Beer is bad for you when you don't have any.
There are 24 hours in a day... And 24 beers in a case.. Coincidence?!
If God is love and love is blind, is Ray Charles God?
Secret DOS function: add BUGS=OFF in your CONFIG.SYS
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore, I am perfect.
Of course I'm conceited. If I weren't, I'd be artificial.
Speaking of fights, there's a guy at college who can't see me. He's blind.
Windows 95 is truly multitasking! It freezes your keyboard while reading drive A!
When you dial a wrong number, the call is never busy..
Do you know how to make an idiot wait for 24 hours? I'll tell you tomorrow!
Lose 10 kilos a month without trying... Get AIDS!
Be nice to your children. They will choose your nursing home.
Computers aren't smart. They just think they are!
Add excitement to your life: Make popcorn with the lid off!
No use shaking, the last drop always ends up in your underwear.
You should never hit a man when he's down, unless you're sure he's going to get up.
Don't steal, the government hates competition.
Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom.
Cinnamon: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Faith removes mountains. Environmentalists are against it.
You can talk, my mouth is a tomb. Just smell it.
Believe in reincarnation? Give me $5000 and I'll pay you back next time!
In marriage: my darling! In divorce: my belongings!
The Windows operating system is so slow, it doesn't have a response time, it has a delivery deadline.
Windows isn't bad, you just have to wait for it to be ready.
Difference between a virus and Windows: A virus works!
Have you noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither have I!
This virus requires Microsoft Windows 3.x
Windows 95: a pleasure to see, a disaster to use.
Say no to drugs, delete your Windows.
Could Windows be the plague of seven disks the Bible.doc spoke of?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy alcohol if you can't drink and drive?
3ø¢¦¢ƒÜË(r)×ÃgÜ¢: Encrypted Tagline. $1000.00 reward.
After use, please rewind the tagline.
My report card came: (H)ide it, (S)how it with pride, (B)urn it?
Backup not found: (H)a! H(a)! Ha(!).
C:\GRAPHICS\GIF\DISGUSTING\VILE\ARGH\WOW.GIF
This is a mirror Tagline><ohlepse enilgaT amu è atsE
Last night I had a dream: 1,945,121,123 bytes free.
Masturbation, the human version of Autoexec.bat
Hope is the last thing to die. But it dies!
Those who drink to forget. Please pay in advance.
When you hear a man talk about his love for his country, believe that he expects to be paid for it.
Money is not important, as long as we have a lot of it.
The soccer match between horses ended in a kick.
Women complain about the pain of childbirth because they've never been kicked in the balls.
The line next door always moves faster.
Honor doesn't consist of never falling, but of getting up every time you fall!
Life in big cities is increasingly inhuman. The mute no longer speak to each other, the blind don't even look at each other, and the one-handed no longer greet each other!
Accept death, it's part of life, but if your chest is still beating strong, LIVE!!
Love your neighbor! Especially if she's a blonde with blue eyes!
Ancient evil spirits, transform this decadent TAG into MUNRRAH!
LEARN TO THINK! That way you'll have something to do when the computer is off.
Man's first illusion is the pacifier.
Through play, great truths are revealed.
Potatoes don't think, therefore they don't exist.
BIOS: Buggy Ignorant Operating System.
Every school that opens is a jail that closes.
Each month has more end than money.
Cigarette: A cylindrical object of paper, filled with straw. It has a spark at one end and an idiot at the other.
A sperm's poor little guy... Lives in an egg, the building is a bag, the neighbor behind stinks like hell, the neighbor above is a pain, and the superintendent, when he's broke, throws him out!
Eat shit! A billion flies can't be wrong.
Convinced? ME?? I used to be convinced... Today, I'm perfect!
Among all the people I've met, you are certainly one of them.
Micro tip: if your car stalls, try exiting and re-entering.
Say what you want, but sex is AWESOME!
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Right belongs to those who walk right.
Debt to me is sacred. God bless you!
Drugs, I'm OUT! I went out to buy some!
Selfish is he who thinks more about himself than about me.
Hey, it's me! Your stomach! Get off the internet and go eat!
They say with tenderness, THE INTENTION IS WHAT COUNTS!! And they give you a bounced check, from the bottom of their hearts.
I dreamed that the Hanson brothers' plane crashed into OASIS's and fell on Bon Jovi, who was in the orphanage of Chiquititas. God exists!
The world is made of 3 types of people: those who know and those who can't count.
It's human to err... Blaming the computer is even more so.
I can even explain this to you, but your brain would explode.
I'd like to create homepages, but I don't know what they eat.
I want to die in peace, in my sleep, like my grandfather! And not screaming in terror, like his passengers...
I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore, I am perfect.
I use XT because haste is the enemy of perfection.
Is there intelligent life on Earth? Obviously, but I'm just passing through...
There are two rules for success in life: 1st Never tell everything you know.
Smoking is very good: it gets rid of all smokers.
Enjoy life, after all, you were born from an orgasm!
To err is human!
Hmmmm.. What a dead animal smell! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! My mouse died!! Sniff, sniff! :(
Today I tried to draw my own shadow. I couldn't! :( My arm wouldn't stop moving...
English I don't know, but in Portuguese I'm awesome.
IRC: The most fun way to increase your phone bill!
Never let your computer know you're in a hurry!
Anal Sex Melody: ...I want to see you not cry, not look back, nor regret what you do...
My computer doesn't chat... it computes!
My girlfriend says I never listen to her. At least I think she said that.
Earthworm: An absurdity without head or tail.
My friend's wife is like a man to me.
Pregnant women always complain about a full belly.
At this moment I am feeling amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I feel like I've forgotten this before...
Don't believe in aliens, they are very deceitful.
Don't play with fire! It's annoying and selfish, it doesn't know how to play.
I couldn't control myself. They were so big, round, firm and beautiful that I had to touch them. Then she started screaming: 'My eyes!, My eyes!', and it ruined the mood :/
I'm not 100% useless: I can always serve as a bad example...
I don't have everything to be happy, but a smuggler promised to get it for me!
Don't transmit at 2400 bps. Just dictate, it's faster!
Don't use HIMEM.SYS, wait for SHEERA.SYS to be released.
Never say "I can't"; say "We can't".
Brazil is in our hands... And there's no point in washing!
The cigarette told the smoker: Today you light me up, tomorrow I'll put you out.
A good man demands everything from himself; a mediocre man expects everything from others.
The world needs more humble geniuses! Nowadays we are few...
The pessimist is an experienced and regretful optimist.
What is it: it has four legs and an arm? A happy Rottweiler.
The Lord is my shepherd and he barks all night in the yard.
Time and distance end fleeting passions, never true love, just as strong wind extinguishes a candle and fans a bonfire.
Hooray, Doctor! You mean I don't need glasses anymore? --That's right. From now on, just dogs and canes.
Wherever you are, you'll always be there!
Where are we going to end up?! Even Santa Claus is dating deer now.
Computers aren't smart. They just think they are!
Fishmonger kills customer who wanted sea bass.
A rich person's joke is always funny.
Poor people only get ahead when they stumble.
Press any key... no, no, NOOOOOOOO!!! ANY ONE BUT THAT ONE!!!
Principle of Communism: From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.
When you dial a wrong number, the call is never busy.
Giving to the poor makes you famous as a faggot.
Want a Chokito? Then put your finger in the little socket!
Do you know how to make an idiot wait for 24h? I'll tell you tomorrow!
If God is love and love is blind, is Ray Charles God?
If women were money, I'd be begging for alms.
If a dog knocks on your door, don't answer! Dogs don't knock on doors.
Be nice to your children; they will choose your nursing home.
Only those who say alcohol is bad for thinking have never thought drunk.
Keyboard not installed! Press <F1> to continue.
A poor person's TV is a keyhole.
Everyone is ignorant, just in different subjects.
Everyone has the right to be stupid, the problem is that some abuse it.
Everyone wants to go to heaven, too bad nobody wants to die.
Look, I'm at the corner, said the magician. He was!
Look at it from the bright side, with schizophrenia, you're never alone.
Virginity isn't a penalty: You can lose it!
See, my son, study! Those who don't study become WebMasters!
Live life dangerously: Make popcorn with the lid open!
You're on my blacklist! - said the zebra to the flea.
Do you prefer two women or one and a quarter women?
I'll pray 1/3, to find 1/2 to take you to 1/4.
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you ask for the bus schedule and imagine if it's 16 or 32 bits...
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you count things like this: "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D,E..."
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you dream in 256 palettes of 256 colors...
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you're reading a book and look for the scroll bar to turn the page...
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you pick up the phone and start dialing IP addresses...
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you get into an elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want to go to...
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you not only check your email more often than postal mail, but you remember your network address faster than your home address...
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you look for an icon to open your bedroom window...
It's time to stop messing with the computer when... you look for the trash can icon if you want to throw something away...
Why do you need a driver's license to buy alcohol if you can't drink and drive?
Why are cigarettes sold at a gas station if smoking is prohibited there?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, then why are there locks on the doors?
You know those small indestructible black boxes used in airplanes? Why don't they make the whole airplane out of the same material?
Why is it that whenever you're driving and looking for an address, you lower the
volume of the sound?
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
He who laughs last is the one connected at 2400...
A flashlight is a place where old batteries are kept...
Error, keyboard not found - Press F1 to continue . . .
Never noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...
Double your disk space - Delete Windows!
Few women admit their age... Few men act their age...
Why are cigarettes sold at a gas station if smoking is prohibited there?
C program run... C program crash... C programmer quit...
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, then why are there locks on the doors?
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Multi-Tasking: Ruining many things at once...
He says: "Insert disc #3", but only two fit!!!
Bug?? That's not a bug, it's a feature!
If DEBUG is the process of removing bugs, then PROGRAMMING must be the process of adding bugs...
If it didn't work the first time, call it version 1.0...
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim...
Programming is an art form that fights back...
Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?
Why make backups? Only incompetent people lose information!
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
Be nice to your children... They will choose your nursing home!
There are 3 types of people: the intelligent ones and those who can't count.
I would explain it to you, but your brain would explode...
Don't be so open-minded, your brain might fall out...
Diplomacy is the art of saying "What a beautiful dog!"... until you find a rock.
If things start going wrong, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
Buy a Pentium II, then you can reset the machine faster...
Computers make mistakes, with enormous speed and accuracy...
My software never has bugs... It just develops random features.
Best compression file: 'DEL *.*' = 100% compression.
Definition of upgrade: Removing old bugs, and adding new ones...
Access denied... nah nah nah nah nah!
... File not found ... Forge it? (Y/N)
One error? Impossible! My modem has error correction!
All computers wait at the same speed.
Hit your forehead on the keyboard to continue . . .
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue . . .
"640K is enough for anyone" - Bill Gates, 1981
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit . . .
I overclocked my XT!! I'm using it at 220 volts! Does it work per0?_~"}º°
Backup not found: (A)bort (R)epeat (P)anic
To err is human, but to moo is bovine.
Press Ctrl-Alt-Del to Save . . .
Not tonight dear, I bought a modem...
As easy as 3.14159265358979323846...
C code. C code run. Run, code, run ... PLEASE!!!!
Warning: Dates on the calendar are closer than they appear!
Daddy, why isn't the magnet picking up this diskette?
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Always remember: you are unique, just like everyone else!
There's a lot of blood in my alcohol...
I want to die in peace, in my sleep, like my grandfather, and not screaming in terror, like his passengers...
90% of statistics are made up.
C++ should be called 'D'...
(((({] Stereo Tagline, where available [})))))
(D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)epeat (P)izza
/EARTH is 98% full. Please delete whoever you can...
1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator.
A program without bugs is an abstract theoretical concept.
Lose 10 kilos a month without trying... get AIDS!
Michael Jackson's email:
Caetano Veloso's email:
Massa Funkeira's email:
Mamonas Assassinas' email:
Rubinho Barrichello's email:
-------> Cut here, and destroy your monitor. <--------
/=*\<-- Careful, if you had a TK85, this would be an enemy ship!
2+2=3D5... IT HAS to be, the computer is saying so.
3=F8=A2_=A2=83=DC=CB=AE=D7=C4g=DC=A2 Encrypted Tagline. US$1000.00 reward
And the baker said to John Lennon: "The dream is over!"
She said: Either me or the computer.... I miss her!
They use Always pads... I use Modems.
When your mouth is shut, flies don't get in... nor do they get out! buzzzzzzz!
Among all the people I've met, you are certainly one of them.
To err is human! To persist in error, even more human!
System error. Press F13 to continue...
Rapists are simply frustrated gynecologists...
I love Windows. It doesn't love me.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.
I haven't lost my mind... There must be a backup somewhere.
I belong to the NBA (National Bebum's Association) and the Drink Team!
I had a nightmare... C:\... 2,786 bytes free
I had a dream... C:\... 965,875,434,567,865,367,890 bytes free
Avoid a sedentary life: Drink water!
Avoid confiscation of your money: Spend it all!
Avoid seeing an idiot every day. Break the mirror.
Extra! Extra! User commits suicide by jumping out of Windows... Extra!
DoubleSpace: Double the headaches.
Drugs? Why, I already have an XT...
Drugs, I'm OUT! I went out to buy some, I'll be right back...
Add excitement to your life: make popcorn with the lid open!
Sleep, my child, or a virus will come and delete you from memory.
Money doesn't bring happiness. Give me yours and live happily.
Tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you if I'll go with you...
Tell me what micro you use and I'll tell you who you are.
Typing: the act or effect of typing; To type: to perform typing.
FIAT = Foolish Idiot Always Triumphing
Engineering School is like a mother, you only get one! Two is unbearable!
Make a blonde's eyes shine. Shine a flashlight in her ear!
Ugly on the outside, beautiful on the inside? Turn it inside out!
I spend all day on the micro. I have no friends. But I have a FRIEND!
Flash-Modem, The Fastest Modem in the World... buy it!
Format C: ...Yes ...Yes ...Noooooooo!!! ^C ^C ^C ^C ^C
Don't fix what isn't broken.
Don't confuse modem with knickers; the slot is different.
If the world is a beta version, we must be the bugs...
My cat died last year in meows...
To err is human, to round is Pentium...
If the computer hinders your studies, drop out of school...
Women complain about the pain of childbirth because they've never been kicked in the balls...
Fortune makes friends. Misfortune proves if they really exist...
Life begins at 14,400...
Think your 286 is slow? Go back to using a TK.
Even an imbecile passes for intelligent if he stays quiet...
Annoying is someone you say: come over to my place! And they show up!!!
Bingo in Iraq: B-52, F-16, A-10, B-2, F-117, F-18
Adolescence has a cure?
If the message isn't clear, turn up the screen brightness.
Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there Internet there?
Gang: A bunch of guys who can't handle themselves...
Me, indecisive? I'm not sure.
Windows 95: Now we have 32-bit CRASHES...
I only don't send my mother-in-law to hell, out of pity for the Devil...
LSD gives CGA 16.7 million colors...
Cassava is like a mother-in-law! The good ones are underground...
Have you smiled at your computer today? Oh, you have?! How ridiculous...
Basic is like chickenpox, you catch it when you're a kid...
Computer science students don't cheat, they make backups...
OUT OF MEMORY. Please use BIOTONICO FONTOURA.
Don't transmit at 2400 bps. Just dictate, it's faster!
Preserve green: use CGA monitors!
A computer is like a good woman: everyone says they like it, they understand it, but few know how it works, how to operate it, and where to plug it in.
XT doesn't have memory, it has vague memories.
I live dangerously: I ride motorcycles without helmets and use DblSpace.
Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups.
I used to have a life... Now I have a computer and a modem.
My HD has 100k bad sectors and 10M bad Windows.
Boss is gone: [T]etris, [P]rince of Persia, [F]1-GP?
May the Force be with you... or your PC won't work!
Press any key to continue. But where the hell is this ANY key?!
The truth is out there!? Does anyone know the URL?
Don't you dare pick up that phone just to call the fire department! I'm in the middle of a download!
Computers are not trustworthy. Humans even less so.
Could Windows be the plague of seven disks the Bible.doc spoke of?
My dog's name is SysOp. He never answers when I call.
Computer program: A strange life form that has the ability to turn commands into error messages.
Why does MS-DOS never say: EXCELLENT command or filename?
A computer is like a horse cart. There's always a donkey in front.
The biggest problem with a computer is between the monitor screen and the chair.
Keyboard: hardware used to input errors into the micro.
To turn a 486 into an XT, type WIN and press ENTER.
Micro tip: if your car stalls, try exiting and re-entering.
My Winchester shot and killed my mouse.
I prefer pirate friends to registered enemies.
To surf the Internet, do you need a multimedia board?
Who is ALL, who receives a lot of messages?
Where is the firefly that entered my modem?
Who is this General Failure? Why does he keep reading my C drive?
Piracy, me? No, I'm just doing technology transfer.
Only Jesus saves. Norton makes backups.
No! No! No! Don't put coffee near the keyboard*>/"%#.
Don't confuse knickers with modem, the slot is different.
This is a mirror Tagline><ohlepse enilgaT amu è atsE
Daddy, what is FORMATTING DRIVE C?
I pressed the CTRL key, but I'm still not in control.
Last night I had a dream: 1,945,121,123 bytes free.
Toilet paper is like access time: it runs out when you need it most.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
BAHIA SOFTWARES proudly presents: HoloDOOM V.166.
I received emails, therefore I exist!
Goofy uses a keyboard. Mickey Mouse does.
C++ is wrong. Logically it should be D.
Tonight, dear, no, I have a modem.
Life is an eternal Upgrade.
UNDELETE *.* /F /i /z /M /e /r /d /a.
Masturbation, the human version of Autoexec.bat.
Computer science arrived to solve problems that didn't exist before.
Do you know Maluf's email?
One day marijuana will inevitably be legalized. All law students smoke it.
When parents decide to stop being square, the daughter gets round.
In the land of the blind, the king convinces others he has one eye.
Fifty percent of patients die from doctors.
The Lord is my shepherd and he barks all night in the yard.
Upon arriving at the Brazilian coast, the Portuguese colonist was amazed, as he had never seen the sea.
Religious people don't watch television because they don't believe in images.
Hope is the last thing to die. But it dies!
The most terrible aspect about Hitler: he believed what he said.
Three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
The incapable covers himself; the rich adorns himself; the pretentious disguises himself; the elegant dresses himself.
Those who drink to forget. Please pay in advance.
Opera in English makes as much sense as baseball in Italian.
Put on your seatbelt, I'm going to try something new.
The only thing separating rock musicians from absolute illiteracy is the need to read their Mercedes manual.
What is more difficult is not writing a lot; but saying everything, writing little.
There are three types of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
The advantage of having a terrible memory is having fun many times with the same good things as if it were the first time.
When you hear a man talk about his love for his country, believe that he expects to be paid for it.
Happy birthday to you; I just came to eat; The gift, well; I forgot to bring it.
How to seat 4 gauchos on a stool: Turn it upside down.
May God protect me from my friends. I'll take care of the enemies.
Every fat person pees using the braille method.
Money isn't important, as long as we have a lot of it.
There are three types of people: those who know, and those who can't count.
In science, credit goes to the man who convinces the world of an idea, not to the one who had it first.
The dwarf orchestra had no double bass.
The soccer match between horses ended in a kick.
In chicken, the maid is bad. But in oxtail she's great.
Smart mosquitoes don't go to the theater.
On the airplane, fear is a passenger.
Anyone can paint a picture. But only a genius can sell it.
Extra! Bee dies electrocuted by a shock rose.
The musicians in the hospital band only play in D flat.
Nobody is ugly after two in the morning.
We are now flying over Minas Gerais, please adjust your watches to 20 years ago.
Closed for lunch. If I don't return by 5: Closed for dinner.
Research shows that 10 out of 6 schizophrenics don't take their medication.
There are no atheists on a crashing plane.
Those who can, do. Those who can't, supervise.
Today's subliminal message is: ' '.
Frog restaurant: 'Waiter, there's no fly in my soup!'.
What is it: it has four legs and an arm? A happy Rottweiler.
Dyslexics of the world all... read us!
Apathetic of the world all... oh, forget it!
Roses are red, the sky is blue, some poems rhyme, but not this one.
Define universe and give three examples.
The guy was so hypochondriac that he had two tapeworms.
Said the musician: My life is an open sheet music.
What is the amplitude of a violin? 30 meters if kicked hard enough.
In the Middle East, hurry eats raw kibbeh.
In IBOPE, everyone is sent to the street every day.
Women exist to be loved, not to be understood.
Thieves take your money or your life; women take both.
Women don't get a Driver's License, they get a weapon permit!
My friend's wife is like a man to me.
Men only need a place, women need a reason.
Menstruation is bad, but the worst is when it doesn't come.
The day you see me hugging an ugly woman, assume it's a fight.
If God made anything better than a woman, he kept it.
Women don't respond to 'psst'. Try 'beep beep' and it works.
Sexual harassment is only a crime when the guy is ugly.
Women over 50 are for Pitanguy!
My friend's wife is like a high wall: dangerous but I'll climb it!
If a man suddenly offers you flowers, it's impossible.
This time it was true! Eve to Adam: 'You were the first'.
Women are like matches: to light them, you need to rub them.
The worst thing about oral sex is the view.
Oral sex is practical, as it can be done even by phone.
Do I like sex? I was born in bed with a woman.
The best things in life are free. The motel is expensive.
Girls, upon reading this tagline consider yourselves hit on!
Boys will be boys, and some men too.
The feeling is good, but the position is ridiculous!
A love stronger than everything, more stubborn than everything, more lasting than everything, is only a mother's love.
Love is not conjugated in the past; you either love forever, or you never truly loved.
The most annoying thing about love is that it's the kind of crime that requires an accomplice.
Women are like cookies. Eat one and eighteen come!
Did you know Senna died blonde? He lost 70 percent of his brain!
Do you know my favorite song? Me on top of you without DO on SOLFA.
Women complain about the pain of childbirth because they've never been kicked in the balls.
The dove is the bird of Peace, and the woman is the bird's peace.
My wife ran off with my best friend. I miss him.
Pregnant women always complain about a full belly.
I prayed 1/3 to find 1/2 to take you to 1/4.
I'm going to release a book: How to date, according to Ricardo Nimtz. Well, first you date anyone, then, me.
Nymphomaniac: A sick girl who has to stay in bed.
God bless beautiful women, and ugly ones if there's time.
Women are like CDs: Because of one good part, we keep the whole thing.
Smile... tomorrow will be worse.
Every body dipped in a bathtub makes the phone ring.
Being born is the first step towards dying.
Hello, you have just contributed R$100.00 debited from your phone bill, thank you very much for your call.
If something can go wrong, it will. And more, it will go wrong in the worst way, at the worst time, and in a way that causes the greatest possible damage.
Law of experience: it won't work.
The most necessary information is always the least available.
There's no reason to be pessimistic. It won't work anyway.
The pessimist complains about the wind, the optimist hopes it will change, the realist adjusts the sails, and whoever knows Murphy does nothing.
The probability of bread falling butter-side down is proportional to the value of the carpet.
The cat always lands on its feet.
Don't bother tying buttered bread to the cat's back and throwing it on the carpet. The cat will probably eat the bread before it falls... on its feet.
The pessimist only sees the sun as a shadow maker.
Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse.
The line next door always moves faster.
Things can get worse, you just lack imagination.
The material is damaged in direct proportion to its value.
He who goes out in the rain gets wet.
If you're feeling well, don't worry. It passes.
No matter what goes wrong, it will always give the impression of being right.
When an error is discovered and corrected, later it's found that it wasn't an error.
If it worked the first time, something is wrong.
Better one bird in hand than one flying overhead.
Murphy's Law in cycling: No matter where you go; it's always uphill and against the wind.
No matter how many outlets you have at home, the furniture is always in front of them.
There are two types of band-aids: the one that doesn't stick, and the one that won't come off.
A healthy person is someone who hasn't been examined enough.
Nothing is so good that someone, somewhere, won't hate it.
You always find something in the last place you look.
One way to stop a racehorse is to bet on it.
Every flying particle will always find an eye.
Hello, you've reached [name]'s answering machine. He's not home right now, but whatever you want to tell him, you can tell me. We're very intimate and share all our experiences.
(woman with phone-sex voice): Hello, my name is Linda. You know, it can be quite lonely when you're a model. Sometimes I have to fend for myself... (you, interrupting): Oh, come on Linda, give me that damn phone... (leave your message).
You have called the number you just dialed.
Hi, this is you know who and I'm not in you know where, please leave your message after the you know what.
You have called the home of the greatest psychic on Earth. Since I already know who you are and what you have to say, please hang up after the beep.
Hello, you know the rest.
Hello? (slight pause) Hellooooo? (pause) Hellooooo, who is it? (after a short pause) Well, whatever, I'm not home anyway, so leave a message after the beep.
You have called the right number, the right person, the right place, but at the wrong time, leave a message after the beep.
